--i can't live if u aren't there-- (kaito x gakupo)

it has been a while since me and Kaito started our relationship this way. back when we were high school at the first time we met, we just an ordinary student. Just a normal high school boy that can fall in love easily and with any girl we wanted without having to worried with any commitment. Back then i really like one girl and we're so close till we're not realize that we have the same feeling towards each other. But what can i say, just when i found out that she likes me too i already gave up on her and have been in love with Kaito. i can still remember how i felt when he say that he would be with Len instead of all the girls in Vocaloid. and i still remember when he first kissed me when i was collapsed. and when we first eloped that night. everything that me and Kaito has been done in the past 5 years until we graduated has been recorded somewhere in my heart and in my mind, sometimes i thought that maybe i could never forget everything.

This morning, just like always i prepare breakfast for me and Kaito and i also remember to serve a cup of ice cream that Kaito really likes. i don't know why but i already thought of this whole thing is a part of my life and a part of my day. As always Kaito came downstairs wearing a long sleeved shirt that's a bit messy and as always he eaten then breakfast with me while we chat about anything that we could tell each other with. After the breakfast i always tidy his shirt and puts on the tie in his neck, while after that he always kissed me gently and said "wait for me" and i'll reply it with a smile. Sometimes i feel bored with this whole routinity but my body just moved on it's own way that i can't control it. But of course everything isn't always stayed the same. As i'm waiting for Kaito to be back from work it thought of what to cooked tonight, "maybe i could just go and buy something to prepare dinner tonight!".

then i go home and prepare dinner for me and Kaito. i wait for a couple of hours but Kaito didn't show up, "maybe he'll be late today.. maybe he's busy.." that's the only thing that came out in my mind. i watch the TV until i fell asleep and at 11 p.m. someones knocking at the door and i came to get the door and i know that it must definitely be Kaito. just as i open the door i say, "where have you...." then i realize that it wasn't Kaito that stood in front of the door, it was a police officer. the police officer ask me, "is this Kaito's apartment..?" and i replied, "ah.. yes.. what is it sir?" at that time there really was nothing that came out in my mind. then the policeman said, "i'm sorry but i have to deliver a news, Kaito got an accident now he's comma at "X" hospital"

after that the policeman leave the apartment and i close the door. at that time i could never think of anything else except, "this is a joke right?" i never thought of it as a real thing that's happening right now. as i walk my tears fall down and i said, "this is a joke right..? Kai.." and then i run to my room and i change my clothes and hurry go to the "X" hospital. on the way i really have nothing in mind i still can't believe that this is happening. after i arrived at the hospital i ran to the receptionist and ask Kaito's room. after i know the number i went straight to the room and when i enter the room i'm down to the floor and i can't say anything. it really is Kaito. his face looked so calm just like he's sleeping.

then i walk step by step closer to his bed and i wipe his pale face, "kaito.. why is this happening... if u could hear me.. please... wake up.." i keep saying wake up but he didn't open his eyes. as i said that my tears fall and wet the white hospital's blanket. that night i can only sit beside his bed while hold his hand in silent and slowly i fell asleep with my head lay down in his bed.
the next morning i wake up and find that kaito is still there sleeping silently and still didn't move, all that he did was just breathing. then i think i should go home and tidy myself up so that when kaito awake i'm already looking good. so i go home and i tidy myself after i finish my bath i prepare a bath tub and then i went out of the bathroom and going to the bedroom but when i open the door i realize that kaito isn't there... and i stood there alone and come back to the bathroom to throw away the water that i've prepare for kaito.

so i went down to the kitchen to make breakfast but i didn't realize that i've prepared a pancake for 2 and put ice cream that kaito likes in top of it. and i eat alone in the table looking at the pancake and slowly remember that kaito used to eat that pancake he made with a happy face and he even said this once, "gaku your pancake is the best!! i wish that i could eat it everyday for the rest of my life!! promise me that u won't leave me okay?" as i remember that suddenly my tears are slowly fall down to the table, "kaito.. i never leave your side even once and i always do everything that makes u happy.. but... why... why did u leave me..? i'm so lonely here kaito... please... wake up...."

this day keeps on repeating and a month have passed since that accident happen and i'm really at my limit. everyday i cried remembering how me and kaito always spend our time together in the room but now i'm all alone. no more kisses and no more his voice i'm slowly getting killed inside and crush and lost my will to continue on living. today i went to the hospital and when i arrived at the room i run straight back to the receptionist and asking about kaito. the receptionist say, "kaito-san.. died this morning.." hearing that i cried at that moment and i really thought of suicide just so i can met kaito but i think that kaito may not want me to do that so i go back home and sit in the dark while cried.

at that time i think, "i really regret everything.. why didn't i say i love u that day? why don't i say i love u everyday.. if he knew that i always love him... maybe he would be more careful and the accident wouldn't have happen and maybe today u'll stay right here with me... kaito... please... come back to me... why didn't u take me with u... u said that we'll always be together... u said that u'll never leave me... u said that u don't want me to leave u... but why did u leave me... kaito..."

at that time the door was knocked and i open it when i open it i can hear a voice saying, "gaku i'm home..." as i look at the figure in front of me i can't say anything and i could only cry and without thinking i hug him and said, "don't leave me... ever again... if u leave me i'll die..." then he hugs me back and say "i'll never leave u.." and kissed me so gently and said, "i'm sorry that i've made u suffer but i just want to surprise u by cooperating with the hospitals worker saying that i'm dead and surprise u by going home.. actually i've been awake since 2 weeks ago but i never seen u so care for so i pretend that i'm still in comma.. but seeing u getting thin an thin day by day i decided to end this.. gaku... i'm sorry.." when i hear that i couldn't said anything the only thing that i said was.. "i don't care as long as you're here right now... i don't care because the only thing that i need to continue on living is... u kaito..." then he only replied me with a smile on his face that i could never forget....